So, what is it you DO?

Can you actually help me?
Will I change?
How is this different from all the other shit I’ve tried?

Those are REALLY GOOD QUESTIONS. Here’s my answer:

Most anti-oppression and liberation spaces focus on what the systems and people around us have taught us to believe. About our bodies, our personhood, our sovereignty and our worth.

My work is about unraveling all the confusing, self-abandoning shit those systems taught us to DO.

Because oppression doesn’t just live inside us through ideas we absorbed.

It’s an entire ecosystem we’ve spent our lives learning to survive…by constantly adapting, shape-shifting, and twisting ourselves into pretzels for the sake of safety, belonging and access.

And at the core of everything we’re doing…lives a habit I call echolocating.

Here’s what it looks like

when we echolocate

BEING
My sense of self changes based on how others view me or treat me
(whether positive or negative)

DOING
I adjust what I’m saying and doing to try and manage how I’m perceived or received.

BELONGING
I seek validation, recognition and approval from other people

If you’re an echolocator, here are some things that might sound familiar:

  • You spend a lot of time trying to “figure things out.” How to change your family, how to make your toxic workplace treat you differently, how to say and do things in the exact right way to avoid being misunderstood.

  • You try to “back in” to decisions by mapping out how every possible choice you make might play out (how’s that working for you??)

  • You doubt and second-guess yourself. A lot.

  • You replay interactions and ruminate. A lot.

  • You sometimes go along with shit you wish you hadn’t, or DON’T say things you wish you had. But you don’t always realize it in the moment.

  • You have trouble actually feeling present or showing up ease-fully in certain spaces (especially new ones), because you’re too busy tracking other people’s reactions and monitoring yourself

  • There are times you feel lost, or tangled-up. What DO I want / feel / think right now? What WOULD make me happy? How DO I want to express my identities? Who AM I, really? WHY THE FUCK DON’T I KNOW THIS AFTER A DECADE OF THERAPY?

Is this hitting a little close to home? Remember, love: you’re not broken.

You’ve been doing this shit to survive the realities of being you.

And you can’t magic away reality, but you CAN change the way you meet it.

Ok, so now what?

Everything starts with ONE shift:
you’ve got to stop echolocating,
and learn to stay anchored in yourself.

“I spent my whole life contorting myself to be perfect for others, making myself smaller to be palatable and agreeable, and it felt like I just woke up one day and was like “who the fuck am I? what do I like to do just for me? Is it even possible to live without worrying about how others perceive me?

[Now] I’m more steady when I enter new spaces.
I’m more sure of who I am, what I have to offer, what is for me.

There’s a kind of peace I have with myself these days.”

- V.G. -

Here’s how it looks to stay

anchored in yourself

BEING
I’m rooted in what I know to be true within myself

DOING
I make choices that feel right and aligned to ME,
and feel at peace with them.

BELONGING
I love and trust myself. I feel a right to be expressed and known.

When you’ve had a lot of practice overriding and questioning yourself, the idea of staying anchored in yourself might sound impossible.

You may even feel like you’re building something completely new from scratch.

That’s ok. That’s why I’m here.

To become self-anchored, you’ve got to:

1) Re-learn how to attune to YOURSELF (instead of everything and everyone ELSE) - so you can figure out what feels right and aligned to YOU in every situation and relationship.

2) Develop a sense of inner authority - so you feel a right to act on those things, even in messy situations where you’re tempted to just keep the peace.

3) Build the self-trust to stay rooted in the face of uncertainty, pushback, manipulation, and discrimination.

How do you actually build those skills?

In my private 1-1 work, we dive right into the mess of real situations where you’re having a hard time knowing what you want – and I use a combination of inquiry and exploratory tools to help you find your own answers and trust them. The more we do this together, the more you’ll naturally learn to do it for yourself.

In my group course - AUDACITY - two of us (me and my spouse Eliot - a therapist and a trans guy!) take you through a concrete, hands-on process where you’ll learn tangible skills to build your sense of power, self-trust and internal authority, and you’ll actively practice transformation alongside a small and mighty group of fellow marginalized people who have your back.

And here’s the intangible part I can’t explain in words: there’s a magic to all this work.

As you commit to parts of yourself you’ve been shoving down for years, as you begin to feel bone-deep trust in yourself (even in the messiest moments), as you start to reconnect to your instincts, unmask, let your quirks shine, have your own back and become more and more unapologetic…

…there’ll be wild moments of intuition, and synchronicities, and occasionally weird Universe-conspiring-with-you shit neither of us can explain.

…there’ll be moments you feel really, truly SEEN and KNOWN in ways you never imagined.

…and most of all, there’ll be moments you say - maybe for the first time, maybe with a tone of disbelief, or laughter, or tears - I really fucking LOVE who I am.

Which you should.

Because I’m certain you’re magnificent, so fuck EVERY person and system that taught you to make yourself small.

For all of us, the day arrives when the call to be ourselves
becomes stronger than our desire to shield ourselves.

If this is that day, I’m here to help.

I can’t wait to know the whole you.

Meera