I’m curious about who you work with
Are you for ME?
Do I belong here?
or is this just another situation where I twist myself into a pretzel while feeling vaguely misunderstood?
I get it.
As marginalized people, feeling seen and understood is really, really f*cking important.
Especially from someone who claims I can support you.
We’ve each got HISTORY.
We know the pain of people acting like we’re “incomprehensible” or “don’t make sense” [to them].
Former friends. Family. Therapists we fired. Healthcare providers. Random strangers on the internet who Have Something to Say.
So, whether or not you ever work with me, let me say this once and for all:
YOU. ARE. PERFECT. EXACTLY. AS. YOU. ARE.
Every goddamn facet of your identity, every weird little quirk you have, and all your joyous contradictions.
YOU BELONG.
The real question: am I a fit for YOU?
Is this a place where you can get the support you need, while feeling understood and known?
You’ll feel an easy fit if…
Things my people usually have in common…
You feel…different: like you’re often in-between the lines, or don’t quite fit the “template” of how humans like you are supposed to work…even in affinity spaces that are meant for you on paper. (It can make you feel incomprehensible or alone, even though you’re just being you.)
You’re at odds with a lot of the institutions and social structures you’re in, so it’s hard to figure out how to exist in them while staying true to your values. (you can feel hemmed in…)
You have a sense of humor. It’s deliciously weird. It helps you survive.
You’re the “capable one.” The one who fixes things, and handles things. The one people come to for solutions, support and help. (You worry that if you don’t do it, no one else will.)
You’re deeply principled, and kind, and good. You care about doing the right thing. Hypocrisy pisses you off. (You’re quick to worry that you’re “falling short” of these ideals)
You’re service-driven, and protective of vulnerable people. You’re drawn to give the things you once needed. You want to contribute to collective liberation, not just get your slice of the pie. (You fear being selfish, and tend to overextend for others)
You’re generous with others (but not yourself.)
YOU’RE REALLY, REALLY TIRED. (this is a lot!)
Ok, so now what?
We’ll be an easy fit if…
You’re a really self-reflective person, and for you, awareness drives change. Once you know something, you can’t un-know it.
You’re creative, soul-driven and practical. You’re down to explore shit using metaphor or deep inquiry, then ask...so what does this mean for that call I’m leading on Tuesday?
You want to know yourself deeply and well (even if you’re sometimes afraid of what you’ll find in there!)
You’re good with laughter, cussing, honesty, and calling shit like it is. With compassion underpinning all of it.
You’ve done lots of therapy. You know the origins of your struggles, and you continue to do the work.
You’re curious! About this, about yourself, about what could be possible.
You’re willing to SLOW DOWN, trust yourself, and allow things to unfold organically
You WON’T like my work if…
You’re here to “win” or get to the “top of your game”
You want to “hack” things through quick fixes and surface-level mindset change
You want someone to bully you and call it accountability
You’re trying to “fix” yourself (HELLO, YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.)
You’re looking for someone to tell you what to do
You want to explore intellectually / theoretically without applying anything to yourself
Everything starts with ONE shift:
you’ve got to stop echolocating,
and learn to stay anchored in yourself.
“I spent my whole life contorting myself to be perfect for others, making myself smaller to be palatable and agreeable, and it felt like I just woke up one day and was like “who the fuck am I? what do I like to do just for me? Is it even possible to live without worrying about how others perceive me?
[Now] I’m more steady when I enter new spaces.
I’m more sure of who I am, what I have to offer, what is for me.
There’s a kind of peace I have with myself these days.”
- V.G. -
Here’s how it looks to stay
anchored in yourself
BEING
I’m rooted in what I know to be true within myself
DOING
I make choices that feel right and aligned to ME,
and feel at peace with them.
BELONGING
I love and trust myself. I feel a right to be expressed and known.
When you’ve had a lot of practice overriding and questioning yourself, the idea of staying anchored in yourself might sound impossible.
You may even feel like you’re building something completely new from scratch.
That’s ok. That’s why I’m here.
To become self-anchored, you’ve got to:
1) Re-learn how to attune to YOURSELF (instead of everything and everyone ELSE) - so you can figure out what feels right and aligned to YOU in every situation and relationship.
2) Develop a sense of inner authority - so you feel a right to act on those things, even in messy situations where you’re tempted to just keep the peace.
3) Build the self-trust to stay rooted in the face of uncertainty, pushback, manipulation, and discrimination.
How do you actually build those skills?
In my private 1-1 work, we dive right into the mess of real situations where you’re having a hard time knowing what you want – and I use a combination of inquiry and exploratory tools to help you find your own answers and trust them. The more we do this together, the more you’ll naturally learn to do it for yourself.
In my group course - AUDACITY - two of us (me and my spouse Eliot - a therapist and a trans guy!) take you through a concrete, hands-on process where you’ll learn tangible skills to build your sense of power, self-trust and internal authority, and you’ll actively practice transformation alongside a small and mighty group of fellow marginalized people who have your back.
And here’s the intangible part I can’t explain in words: there’s a magic to all this work.
As you commit to parts of yourself you’ve been shoving down for years, as you begin to feel bone-deep trust in yourself (even in the messiest moments), as you start to reconnect to your instincts, unmask, let your quirks shine, have your own back and become more and more unapologetic…
…there’ll be wild moments of intuition, and synchronicities, and occasionally weird Universe-conspiring-with-you shit neither of us can explain.
…there’ll be moments you feel really, truly SEEN and KNOWN in ways you never imagined.
…and most of all, there’ll be moments you say - maybe for the first time, maybe with a tone of disbelief, or laughter, or tears - I really fucking LOVE who I am.
Which you should.
Because I’m certain you’re magnificent, so fuck EVERY person and system that taught you to make yourself small.
For all of us, the day arrives when the call to be ourselves
becomes stronger than our desire to shield ourselves.
If this is that day, I’m here to help.
I can’t wait to know the whole you.